Diagnosed at 36
Yes, you can
I am a nobody who wants to be a somebody so I can make a difference in everybody… but nobody wants to give me a chance to be a somebody so I can make a difference in everybody….
It all began at least I think so in May of 2004 when at the age of 36 I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s…Faced with a diagnosis of a chronic condition, which while thankfully was not fatal was still uncertain and terrifying. As I sat in the chair listening to the diagnosis feeling like I was adrift, denial springing to the surface …. not me I still want to do so many more things, my babies only 2 yrs and 5 years then… what am I to do?
The fear, the helplessness, the guilt, the utter terror simmering away inside as I continued to try and live my life as normally as I can…thinking if I ignore it it will go away, denial at its peak, trying to deal with the mental and emotional and physical changes the disease was doing to my body and trying to deal with the multitude of side effects the medications were having on me, while still trying to do everything I was doing before trying to be everything and pretending that everything was fine and I could handle it…..
I stoically continued, falsely trying to placate myself that everything is fine, and in the meantime faced with an uncertain future there arose in me this selfish desire to fulfill my dreams …. half formed, things I wanted to do when the kids were a little older, suddenly realizing that time is limited and that I had to do something sooner rather than later…. this fear of becoming a vegetable, confined to a wheelchair, not being able to move or talk looming in my mind as I tried desperately to choose what to do, be a wife, a mom, or a selfish person and try and do something worthwhile with my life while I can…
I may still be a nobody and may not be able to reach everybody but hopefully will help somebody, even if that somebody is just me:)
You can find the rest of Sutapa’s story here http://sukas-myworld.blogspot.com/2010/12/yes-you-can.html